Rediscovering Vitality

Have you ever felt like you’re attending a never-ending board meeting inside your head? Meet the committee: the Parent, the Adult, and the Child. They’re not just psychological buzzwords from Eric Berne’s Transactional Analysis—they’re the trio steering the ship of your personality, often with the grace of a three-legged race.

In the prime of our youth, the Parent and Adult within us are acting as the librarians shushing our Child’s impulses. They ensure we don’t eat ice cream for breakfast or invest our life savings in an alpaca farm (as tempting as that may be). They teach us the dos and don’ts, the whens and hows of adulting, from paying taxes to pretending we understand the stock market.

As we get the hang of life’s routines, there’s a chance that our inner Child, with all its playful energy and imagination, ends up packed away like old toys in a storage box. This post is about dusting off that box, giving the Parent and Adult a well-deserved coffee break, and passing the baton to the Child to run the show every now and then. Because, let’s face it, who doesn’t want to feel the rush of being lifted by a kite on a windy day, or the thrill of asking ‘why’ about, well, everything?

Let’s figure out how to hear out the sensible, the serious, and the playful sides of ourselves. It’s about letting our inner Child play a part in our grown-up world, bringing more than just laughs—think innovation and a burst of energy.

Parent Ego State

Think of the Parent ego state as the internalised voice of all the authority figures you’ve ever encountered. It’s like having a board of directors in your head, each member with a different opinion on how to “properly” fold a fitted sheet or the right way to file your taxes. In our 20s and early 30s, we tend to let this board dominate the conference call of our mind. We often let this council’s voice be the loudest, steering us toward responsible choices and professional conduct. They’re the ones nudging us to prioritize our health, uphold commitments, and present ourselves with a certain decorum, even when we secretly wish we could loosen up and have a little fun.

Sure, the Parent is a bit of a stickler for rules, but it’s also the part of us that gets things done. It’s the reason we have savings accounts, dental insurance, and return library books on time. Without the Parent, our lives might be a chaotic whirlwind of late fees and forgotten appointments.

Adult Ego State

Now, the Adult is the ego state that’s all about living in the here and now. It’s the pragmatic problem-solver, the one that looks at facts and figures and tries to make sense of the world as it is. The Adult in us thrives on being sensible and is all about moderation. It’s that little voice that says, “Maybe hold off on adopting that cute puppy you saw in the pet store window,” or “Perhaps learning to make a budget is a good idea.”

In the grand scheme of things, the Adult keeps our feet on the ground when the Parent’s expectations seem too lofty, or the Child’s whims too fanciful. It’s the mediator, the voice of reason, the one that ensures we don’t wear pyjamas to a job interview (even if they’re the height of comfort).

Child Ego State

And then there’s the Child. This isn’t just any child—it’s your inner child. It’s the voice that tells you to jump in the puddle instead of walking around it, to laugh loudly at a joke, or to suggest a game of tag as a legitimate team-building exercise at work. The Child is creativity unbound, emotion raw and unfiltered, and the purest form of joy you can tap into. It’s the spontaneous dance moves when your favourite song comes on, the unstoppable laughter at a cheesy joke.

In the early years of adulthood, the Child often takes a back seat to the more pressing demands of the Parent and Adult. But as we navigate the waters of responsibility and societal norms, there’s something to be said for letting the Child take the helm every so often. After all, what’s the point of building a sandcastle if you don’t get to knock it over and laugh about it afterwards?

Transition to Inner Balance

As we navigate the maze of adulthood, juggling the essentials like bill payments and sensible decisions, we gradually become adept at the adulting game. The inner Parent in us beams with pride, and our Adult self gives a quiet nod of contentment. Yet, in the background, our inner Child waits eagerly, a box of crayons at the ready, hoping for a chance to add a splash of color to the canvas of our daily lives.

This is the pivot point, the sweet spot where we can start to let our hair down (or let it go grey gracefully, if that’s where you’re at). It’s about finding that equilibrium where the Parent can take a breath, the Adult can loosen the tie, and the Child can be let out to play. It’s not about shirking responsibilities but about sprinkling a bit of childlike wonder into our daily routines.

Reengaging with the Inner Child

How, you ask, do we swing this magical reengagement with our inner Child without turning our lives into a scene from a comedy? Well, it starts with giving yourself permission to be imperfect. Allow yourself some leeway to not always get it right. Wear those bright, mismatched socks to work. Have dessert before dinner just because it feels rebellious. And why not hum your favorite tune while you work or take a break—your inner Adult has the day’s schedule in check anyway.

Try new things with the wide-eyed enthusiasm of a five-year-old on their first trip to the zoo. Get curious, ask questions, and find joy in the little things. Remember when a cardboard box was a castle, a spaceship, or a secret hideout? Channel that imagination in brainstorming sessions or problem-solving at work. Who knows, maybe that inner Child is onto something when they insist that a cookie break can be just as restorative as a coffee break.

It’s not about abandoning the progress you’ve made or the maturity you’ve earned. It’s about enriching the tapestry of your daily life with threads of playful curiosity and unadulterated joy—the kind that makes you want to jump on the bed (though maybe check the warranty first).

I’m not suggesting you shirk your duties or throw caution to the wind (the Parent and Adult wouldn’t stand for that, and let’s be honest, neither would your boss). But there’s room for play. It’s about letting creativity and playfulness seep into the nooks and crannies of our everyday lives. Have a walking meeting at work, doodle in the margins of your notebook, or propose an out-of-the-box solution to a problem.

Learning Through Laughter and Curiosity

The inner Child is not only about play; it’s about perspective. This is the part of us that asks, “Why?” and “Why not?” with equal fervour. By giving more space to the Child, we can approach life with a beginner’s mind, stay curious, and find new pathways to learn and grow. There’s wisdom in laughter and learning in play. Let the inner Child remind you of that.

Conclusion: A Harmonious Trio

So, there you have it. It’s not about letting the inner Child hijack the life you’ve built, but about letting it infuse that life with freshness and vitality. Imagine a life where the Parent, Adult, and Child are in harmony, each playing their parts to the fullest. That’s a life where you can pay the mortgage on time and still have a food fight in the kitchen on a random Tuesday evening.

As you step away from this read, consider how you might let your inner Child color outside the lines every once in a while. Because a life infused with a little bit of childlike wonder might just be the secret ingredient we’ve all been searching for.

Key message

Nurture your inner Child as it is a crucial source of vitality and rejuvenation, especially in midlife. Balancing this playful energy with the structure of the Adult and the wisdom of the Parent leads to a rich, dynamic life. For a deeper understanding of how curiosity fuels this vitality, Ian Leslie’s “Curious: The Desire to Know and Why Your Future Depends On It” is a compelling resource.